| ../ i go where i like & i know where i want to be. |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
| *214 |
[18 Nov 2009|01:12am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sparkadia/ jealousy |
] |
"there's a little bit of me in a little of you."
so today i wondered what part of me was you (or what part of you is me)...
cowboy bebop dvds. screwdrivers. jazz music by de-phazz. the way i push my glasses up sometimes. apple vodka + cranberry juice. listening to the bbc. kinder bueno. the toothbrush i use. being extremely conscious of people sitting on my bed. flying alone.
i wonder if any part of you was me?
|
|
| *213 |
[09 Nov 2009|10:06am] |
|
somedays i wake up so uncomfortable in my own skin i wish i could physically peel it off to see what i really am.
|
|
| *212 |
[06 Nov 2009|11:06am] |
I am currently in l o v e with Mulberry and fail to see why-oh-why have their bags not reached cult status?!
Granted, I used to think their designs were plain and boring... i can totally see their stuff being rocked with over-sized Alexander Wang tanks, LnA leggings, knee-hgh suede boots and waterfall sequin jackets. INSANE.
  left: Mulberry padlock bracelets, right: Mulberry Bayswater Clutch
And just to up the ante, they go and create a collection for Apple which means... you can dress up your gadgets in an array of jewelled leathers, which are functionally fashionable! Totally digging the iphone case (which I'm gonna use for my Blackberry) in cracked metallic leather with the Daria cut-out logo plaque.
|
|
| *211 |
[05 Nov 2009|06:38pm] |
Some of my favourite lines from songs:
"How could so much good exist in such a tiny heart? Despite of all the pain she's in she never falls apart.
And if she does, it lasts the length of seven songs; she dries her tears on her best friend's sleeves
And dances right along" - her space holiday you and me
"she said, "i hate these thorns."
so she cried, "one day i'll be beautiful and one day you'll love me."
she said, "one day you'll love me,"" - umbrellas june summer rose
"to find someone you love
you've gotta be someone you love" - nada surf concrete bed
|
|
| *210 |
[02 Nov 2009|10:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hard to love a man/ magnolia electric electric co. |
] |
it's hard to love a man like you.
so the lyric by magnolia electric electric co. goes. and i totally get them right now, because it's hard to love all the men i do (perhaps not in the same way though).
it's hard to love my dad, because sometimes he gives me grief. i have to remind myself that he is my father and i love him for choosing to give me life, for sacrificing his life for mine and because he loved me first. but somedays it's such a struggle to deal with the things he asks of me and what he expects. is this what true love is? the love that you feel for someone despite it's difficulties?
it's hard to love my soulmate, because i know that we could never be together. for the reasons we were together. i still dream of him. like last night i he crept into my bed and i woke up next to him. i miss the feeling of having him wrapped around me and his grip tightening when he resisted letting go of me even to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. it was so hard to allow myself to love him and so hard to stop. not that i don't anymore, but that love is shoved in a deep and dark corner of my heart... like a secret garden.
it's hard to love 'you', because you never let me in. more of a figurative 'you' for every guy in my life who has rejected my love. i realised all my hurt comes from one place: the overflow of love. i just want to love someone so badly with all my heart. i want to be the silent comfort when he is hurting. the healing hand when he is injured. the satisfaction when he is hungry. the laughter when he is happy. all this and so much more. i believe having all this love with no one to love is my curse. someone once asked me: is it harder to be unable to love or unable to be loved? i always pick the latter, because loving hurts me. it hurts me more than you will ever know.
|
|
| *209 |
[24 Oct 2009|11:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
leona lewis/ happy |
] |
So what if it hurts me?
So what it I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge,
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
I just trying to be happy
I just wanna be happy
|
|
| *208 |
[20 Oct 2009|12:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
|
|
| *207 |
[16 Oct 2009|01:06am] |
 get a life!
HAHA
|
|
| *206 |
[15 Oct 2009|09:59pm] |
|
i need some...
TEMPERANCE
&
a little...
CONTROL
|
|
| *205 |
[14 Oct 2009|10:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
natalie imbruglia/ counting down the days |
] |
|
|
| *204 |
[13 Oct 2009|01:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
I don't understand why guys look me up when they have relationship problems. seriously?!
|
|
| *203 |
[10 Oct 2009|03:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
you and me/ her space holiday |
] |
for you, my potential lover...
You and me
We like to talk about that summer night
You came over to my house and I
Sat there while you told me everything
All of your ups and downs
And in betweens
And I just thought to myself
And I just thought
To myself
"how can so much good exist in such a tiny heart
And despite of all the pain she's in,
She never falls apart"
And if she doesn't last the length of seven songs
She dries her tears on her best friend's sleeves and dances right along
In a dream
You call me up and ask me, quietly,
If I would like to meet you for a drink
And when I got there you just looked at me
As you spoke to yourself
"If you take me home tonight
I know that we will kiss
One of us will fall in love
And it will be a mess
But if you want to take that chance
Then please just let me know"
I slammed my glass down on the bar
Said "grab your coat let's go"
So here we are
We've gone too far
And I just thought to myself
How can so much good
Exist in such a tiny heart
Despite of all the pain she's in
She never falls apart
And if she doesn't last the length of seven songs
She dries her tears on her best friend's sleeves and dances right along
|
|
| *202 |
[10 Oct 2009|03:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
knock you down |
] |
Suddenly a strange desire to write something. But there's nothing.
(I think I'm just trying to procrastinate...)
- Joined French Society - there's only one guy in the whole society. =\
- Have been running. Somewhat.
- Sick as a dog last night. I really hate drinking to the point that I'm not quite wasted and not quite sober. It just means I'll have my fingers down my throat trying to relieve myself of the sick feeling and taking Panadol so I won't get a hangover the next day...which I don't suggest anyone do.
- Sitting in front of a MacbookPro & a MacBook.
- Joined Singapore & Malaysian Society - sold my soul to the devil.
- Haven't been doing work... I have serious issues with this.
- Bought 2 pairs of Frenchsoles. I love these shoes, so don't buy them cos I want them.
- Broke.
- Lost.
- Over.
I think that my life has reached a point where I've lost track of what i'm working for and what I want. I've lost the feeling of independence I gained over summer. I need to find it again.
|
|
| *200 |
[01 Oct 2009|09:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
concrete bed/ nada surf |
] |
To celebrate my 200th entry, my favourite lyric by Nada Surf:
To find someone you love, you've gotta be someone you love.
In the beginning of 2009 I resolved to become someone I'd love. I spent the entire year doing things I've never done before in a hope that perhaps it would lead me to that. It's October now and I've definitely begun to realise that I've changed. Whether it's to a point that I love myself, I don't know... I'll let you know in December.
|
|
| *199 |
[24 Aug 2009|06:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
heartache |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
almost lover/ a fine frenzy |
] |
goodbye, my almost lover
goodbye, my hopeless dream
i'm trying not to think about you
can't you just let me be?
so long, my luckless romance
my back is turned on you
should've known you'd bring me heartache
almost lovers always do
we walked along a crowded street
you took my hand and danced with me
images
and when you left, you kissed my lips
you told me you would never, ever forget
these images
i cannot go to the ocean
i cannot drive the streets at night
i cannot wake up in the morning
without you on my mind
so you're gone and i'm haunted
and i bet you are just fine
did i make it that easy
to walk right in and out of my life?
|
|
| *198 |
[16 Jul 2009|06:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
prince/ purple rain |
] |
|
|
| *195 |
[02 Jun 2009|06:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Wolves (Act 1 & 2) / Bon Iver |
] |
No internet + no camera
I've started packing to leave.
Leaving Sheffield for good...
I waited so long for this, but now it tastes like lingering memories on the tip of my tongue.
Coming here nervous and feeling SO homesick the first semester. The second semester was filled with so many friendships formed while others back home got broken. I never thought I would be able to call my place home. But today as I slowly dismantled some of my things, taking down photos, emptying drawers... the stark nakedness of everything made me realise that I made this place my home and every crevaice reeked of me.
Next year I'm not coming back to this city and I'll be moving to a new one. I wonder what new emotions and experiences will befall me...?
Crack the shutters open, because summer has begun.
|
|
| *194 |
[28 May 2009|04:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
lump sum/ bon iver |
] |
I wish I could wake up early enough every morning to feel the sunrise and enjoy the cool breeze as it slips through the window to gently run through my hair and across my skin...
but for now I content myself with being able to stay up long enough to do that.
Smells like a new day.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
lapetitesalope's journal
